It is difficult to get lost in yourself, holding on to nothing but hope and a prayer. Encapsulated by panic, your heart pumping out of control like an engine ready to overheat, and your mind, oh fuck your mind. That place is full of nonsense and debris that spins like a tornado taking on a town in the middle of nowhere.
This is where I live almost every single day, this is where my mind and body reside in a normal state.
It is now time to move out of this state and into a new one, one where I feel as though I belong. A place where there is calm and peace. Where light can shine through and I am able to appreciate every single day, every single moment. It is time to cut out the past, forget about the future and live in the present. The here and now is all we have and I must do what I can every day.
Steps need to be taken to get yourself to the other side of anxiety, you can’t just wish it away and if you do nothing there you will stay. I am about to embark on a journey to get to the other side of my anxiety in the middle of a storm of self-doubt, fear, exhaustion, and unrealistic expectations of myself. To me, I am about to do the hardest thing I can think of at the most inopportune time, but there is never a good time than the present.
The way I see it there are two things that need to be worked on to get through the storm, the body and the mind. The body is the most important one since there lies so much hardware and wiring that control the way we feel, act, and perceive. To help clear the mind you must first clear the body and get yourself running like the machine you are. The gut, for example, is the powerhouse of the brain and if it is full of garbage you are doing nothing but circulating garbage throughout your mind thus leading to negativity, doubt, and anxiety.
You must take care of the vessel in order to take care of the passenger, if the boat has holes in it there is nothing that can be done to help the person inside. However, if you can fix the leaky boat then you will be able to concentrate on what you need to do for the passenger. Taking care of your body will only help you take care of your mind.
You also don’t want to overcomplicate things, so stick to some simple tactics, for me, it is two things. I will start to watch my diet, kicking it off with a 5-day Juice cleanse to really start to clean out the system and the second will be exercise, but only one kind of exercise, yoga. My mission, get my mind-body connection back to where they need to be and create a place within myself where I can thrive.
While taking care of my body I will also be doing two things to help my mind, meditation, and writing. Mediation to calm my mind, to be able to better handle what life is throwing at me, and writing to help me better understand myself and dig deep into some old wounds in order to help find some closure.
I am on the precipice of something big here, where I can either stay where I am, live in a way that I know will bring me the same old cycles of life or I can jump into the unknown and make things happen for myself.
Do you choose endless cycles of chaos or the ability to see something new and break free from those cycles that cause nothing but harm?
I know I am not alone out there, feeling the way I do. That everything I have done as of late is nothing but a mistake, living in fear of what may not happen instead of living with hope for what is happening.
Change needs to happen or life will get the best of me and that is something I am not willing to deal with. What I am living right now is not how I am meant to be living, it is not how anyone is supposed to be living and this is why we are going to change.